iamcharisseg

Confession: I liked him. I liked him too much, it hurt. But now, I think I’m finally getting over him. Thus, this confession. :)

I had this crush (or maybe a little bit more than just a crush.).

I can say we have a lot of common interests. We like the same music genres. I can also say we sort of have the same line of thinking. There were instances we wore the same colour of shirts, and those instances were freakishly coincidental. I don’t know if he noticed those instances, but as long as no one pointed it out to him it’s fine.

He’s not exactly my ideal type when it comes to looks, but his personality makes up for it.
I liked his talents. As far as I know, he plays the guitar and piano well. He has a talent for visual arts (which I lack). He said he knows how to cook (woah! A guy who can cook. :P). He also has charm, wit and sense of humor.

Now here comes the sad part. And I know that whoever reads this post will think I’m stupid for falling for him.

When I realized I like him, I wanted to shut off my feelings for him. Why? Because he had a girlfriend. I did desperate measures just so he wouldn’t discover that I like him. I even made a fake FB account of some guy I just made up and made the ‘guy’ my boyfriend. How stupid is that?

I knew that sometime, he’s going to realize that I like him. And I think he actually did at some point before he and his girlfriend broke up. I was even too paranoid (or maybe not) that he was sort of testing me or was playing with my feelings. As much as I wanted to stay away from him as possible, it was hard for me since we were in the same group/circle of friends (“barkada” in Filipino). So, I had to endure the pain when he mentions his crush in our school (He’s a douchebag. I know. Or maybe I’m just misjudging him.) or his girlfriend. I knew I didn’t have the right to be jealous, but of course I just can’t stop feeling that way. This had been occuring for months until graduation.

After our graduation, I didn’t see him for months until the birthday party of a friend came up in September. I thought I was over him, but I had dreamt about him almost every week until February.

The following are revised entries from my private blog:

February 7…
I dreamed about him today. We were on our way riding the bus. Okaay..

February 14, Valentine’s Day. One week exactly when I had dreamt about him…
I was already home when I realized I forgot something at work. I went back to the place where I work to get it. Somehow while I was waiting at the bus stop, I hoped I’ll see him (or was it just my hunch/prediction that I will see him). And i did. I saw him with our friend on the bus ride home. They didn’t see me. I hid my face in my hoodie. Dreams do come true!
I was obviously not over him.

I didn’t dream about him again.

March 28… I just happened to have some info session in the college I’m going to study in. On the bus ride to home, guess who I saw? Him. We talked about school, work, etc.
It was weird. I didn’t feel scared talking to him this time.

This was the time I realized, maybe I’m finally getting over him.

December 2010-March 28, 2012. All through that span of time, I experienced the joy and pain of having a crush (again…maybe even more than just a crush. I’m not sure. But, I’d rather forget about it completely.).

It’s kind of weird writing this confession. Hopefully this serves as some sort of closure for me.

YOU. If you’re reading this now…
Well, now you know my point of view the story. I don’t know how you’ll take this. We rarely talk to each other now anyway. So I guess that saves us from further awkwardness.
The most we can be is just be friends. I know that for a long time now. It just took me a while to accept that fact.

I hope you’re happy.

Because I FINALLY AM. :)